Take a "Mento Health" Holiday

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ebola's in Texas, Jeter has evaporated from the planet, and Hollywood is seriously attempting to make a film out of "Tetris!" The world is crumbling to pieces.

I think this calls for an emergency Mentos "Thumbs-Up!"

- G.G.

Mike is Just All Right With Me!

Here is some Mike Brady for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Just look at him and let his wisdom wash over you... I mean it! Look at him! 

Ah, good. Now doesn't that just soothe your weary soul? Don't know about you but I feel like I can go sock Buddy Hinton with a clean conscience now.

Of course, this picture is of the superior incarnation of Mike Brady before his hair went all curly and he ended up looking like the father from "Land of the Lost's" sober twin.

Feel free to come back and consult Mr. Brady as often as you need...

G.G.

Welcome to Vitamin Zero: Your Recommended Daily Dose of Nothing. I'm, Garrison Gorillas,  your guide on this meaningless journey.

In today's modern, slick, digital world, we are bombarded with way too much information. In ye olde fashioned times, you could simply turn off the TV, walk outside, and meet some friends at the corner store for a bottle of Zeltzer Seltzer and a pack of Razzles.

But now, the media hides in our pockets like stealthy, little ninjas. From the screens of our phones, it daringly leaps out to ruin our days with news about the Kardashians, free streaming episodes of CBS' "Under the Dome," or updates on the deadly Ebola outbreak (not sure which is worse at this point).

I say, my dear friends... ENOUGH ALREADY!

I want to go back to the innocent days of sparkling, refreshing beverages, and the mystery of gum-like, fruity candy that you aren't sure if you are supposed to chew or swallow. And you know what? I want to take you with me!

Like those taste sensations of days-gone-by, I offer you nothing of value or substance. This is a simple stop on your busy, media-drenched journey through life where you can just switch it off for a minute. Enjoy the flavor-packed punch and empty calories of absolute nonsense!

- G.G.